Monday, November 26, 2007

I thought I had already got over it. But somehow, the feeling is back again. Im feeling so lousy now. What actually do I want? Need? Will I able to take it again? You mean a lot to me. I cant affort to lose you. But your attitude really change too much till I already dont know who are you.

sometimes i just want to SCREAM..

Like that phrase, life is like a bed of roses..
No matter how pretty or beautiful it looks, it's just the cover..
Within the beauty, there are thorns.lots of them...
Small and sharp..
It pricks you when you are not careful.
It pricks you even if you are careful..
Yet you can't choose not to touch it, cause you are 'it'..

The thorns are the setbacks we had in life..
Some cause are bleeding, physically..
Some cause are bleeding, in the heart..
While some causes both to happen..
It will happen no matter what..
Reality is harsh and we cant run away from it..
I know i had to face it one day..
But now i chose to run away from it..
It's because i know i can't deal with it now..
I don't have the ability now..i don't understand what i can do..
I really don't understand how it happened..
Though i know it causes by me, partially..
Our life is full of choices..
The choices cause the outcome..
And i knew i had to accept it as it's my choice..
But sometimes (or often) we don't know the outcome of the choices..
Therefore, making choices we regrets..
So, i know there's no one to blame for the outcome except me myself for making that choice..

Had a chat with a friend who is the roots of this post..
The reason i wrote this post...

Miracle do happen if we believe in it.

Sunday
Out with Songwei for lunch, billy bomber. We ordered too much food and we like spent so much time in there but in the end still cant finish the food. Talked and eat. Realized we were eating very slowly. The two tables' customers left in a short while, while we were still eating with half a plate left. LOL. Full. Then decide to settle for bill, the waiter actually asked whether we wanna pack the food. LOL. We tried so hard to finish the food in the end can pack. -.-
Went for pool after that. Jared met us there. Play lor. Around 2hrs+, left.

Everything came too suddenly, I need time to sort it out. I dont really know what I want. Give me some time and I will have an answer, at least Im clear of what i want.
You changed, a lot. You seem like a stranger to me now, I dont know what to talk to you or even how to face you. Time will decide everything, I believe. I used to tell you everything but now, I dont even know whether I should trust you or not.

Xinyan, Im waiting for your answer, patiently.

I never expect this will be the outcome.
But i will take it, i promised.

Where would I be if my friends were not there for me? Support, encouragement, movies, sleepovers, neoprints, late night calls, laughter and tears. Soon we will separate when we age, bringing our sweet and bitter memories along with us. Tears stream from our eyes as we graduate, knowing we might never be together again.

Silence does not mean Im gone. Quiet does not mean I dont care. Cause deep in my heart that is where you are. Im always here, wishing the best for you.

Each of us is a star that shines with the rest. Sometimes we twinkle alone, but when you feel like you are about to lose your sparkle, Im always here to add a glow.

So many days had past, you have not give me an answer. Im waiting.
And you, Im so disappointed.

Things have changed. I really hope u wont appear in front of both of us. Everything is a mistake since that day. Stop looking for him or things are bound to happen one day.

I wonder how a world would be like w/out friends.

Felt really good to say all out.
Hopefully we understand each other even more.
Everything will be fine I hope.
=)

Dun bother to guess anymore le. You will never get it!

Yes, I take it seriously to what you said.